Tales of Tindering

With my experiment of not putting all of my eggs into one basket and Tinder (the dude) pissing me off, I decided to give my number to a few other Tinder prospects.


Story 1:
Because he is weird, and I know I will not ever be meeting up with him, we will call him Jake- his real name. The guy doesn’t deserve a nickname, honestly. So our Tinder conversation was normal- how are you? what do you do for a living? blah blah blah. He went in for the kill right away- let’s exchange numbers and meet for drinks. Ok, sure why not, I thought.

Well once we exchanged numbers, he proceeded to text me anywhere from 4:30am to 6am- all times when he woke up. Seriously, Jake? You may work in the banking industry but pretty sure I informed you that I have the joy of actually working banker hours. I sleep in until 7:30am or 8am. Strike 1.

He then asked me how tall I was…why? I mean I understand we all have our thing, our own ideas, wants, and expectations out of the perfect mate. I like tall dudes because some nights I wear 5 inch heels- I get it, but I don’t ask the dude before we meet how tall he is. Weird. This day I also got a selfie of him in his office.

The next night he tells me he is writing a book, I ask about what but turns out it is top-secret and he can’t tell me. He then asks me for my last name. Uh, not so soon buddy. Stalk me on Facebook like a normal person, I know I am not that hard to find. Strike 2 because I am just annoyed at this point.

There is no reason to give Jake a strike 3 because I just do not like him. He starting hinting like he was going on dates- like I was going to be jealous. Yeah, no. I slowly just stopped responding to him, ok that’s a lie…I just stopped completely.

Story 2:
I started messaging this dude last week. We will call him Naughty Pic Dude. So Naughty Pic seemed very normal, as they all do, during our first few days of Tindering. He lives closer to me than the other Tinders, so score 1 for me! I am thinking we probably like/go to the same bars, like the same places to eat and it’s always a plus when I can take a train to your house than a cab.

Shortly into our normal conversation, Naughty Pic asked me for my number. Yay! Maybe he will ask me out for drinks and we will have a good time. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, at least he could be fun and I wouldn’t be putting all of my eggs in one basket.

Wrong-o, he turned into the weird guy that texted me right away and asked if I was down for a “naughty picture”. Really? I mean I get it, sexting can be fun… but we haven’t even met in person. Do you think your “naughty picture” is going to make me want to meet you more or sleep with you sooner. Confusing. He also was a selfie picture- the normal kind- taking kind of dude. I like pictures… and sending dumb ones of what I am doing, but shouldn’t we ease our way into them?

Maybe Tinder (the dude) isn’t really pissing me off too much anymore…


Play Ball!

3 strikes

I am a three strikes and you are out type of person, and while I was in the shower this morning, it made me realize- is dating like baseball?

Maybe this is because Tinder is a baseball fan and he has been on my mind more than ever lately, but this really might be true! You get 3 balls- or maybe it’s 4 balls- and then are allowed to walk to first base, these are dating gimmes, and then the big strikes- 3 and you are out.

As much as I was thinking Tinder had used his 3 strikes, he has not… he has just used his 3 balls (that sounds weird… and dirty, but you get my point!):

  • First ball- broke our first date due to his sister having a baby. Legit!
  • Second ball- could not meet me out for the Wicker Park Food Crawl due to a car accident. Legit!
  • Third ball- broke our rescheduled 1st date because he was hung over. Legit, but less legit than the first two reasons.  DISCLAIMER: Thank you for not wanting me to watch dry heave. In my moment of being annoyed, I did not state this, but it is much apprecaited.
  • If there are 4 balls, make up your own forth annoying thing that would hinder the first date.

After these 3 things, my first reaction would be to write him off- completely. Delete his text messages, delete his phone number etc. You get the idea. But, that’s just the bitch I pretend to be. Deep down, I have so much faith in Tinder. I am normally a pretty good judge of character (Yes, that is a pat on my own back and I like it!), and this one seems like a keeper- go figure I start a dating blog and maybe meet someone I could potential start a relationship with- story of my life.

I didn’t want to let Tinder walk to first base- Screw that, I am annoyed!!!! However, writing people off way too soon and way too late is a flaw of mine and truthfully, part of the reason I started this blog was to change that. I decided to let Tinder know I was annoyed and he was very sweet to offer to reschedule for the next day, but I was not up to committing- after all you can’t change over night! I asked him to get a hold of me the next day and we will see how we felt and what our plans were. I just felt that every time we have made plans, they get squashed some way, some how. I couldn’t handle being let down again as by this point I am pumped to hang out with Tinder.

I did not hear from him until 9pm the next night. It was a text that just said “Hello.” How the hell do you want me to respond to that one, TInder? Sure, you screwed up and know this, and probably are saying this with your tail between your legs, but good God, just a hello?

Tinder calls me around 10pm. I won’t lie, I was not sure if I wanted to answer his call. But because I only talk a big game, I did. Tinder is the type of guy that I really don’t think will lie or if he does, wants to- not like any of us want to lie, but point being is he is not being a selfish dick. He wanted to be honest with me and showed up at my house- with his over night bag packed. How could I say no to this? I am such a softy at heart, and secretly love to snuggle. DISCLAIMER: It’s safe to say strike 1 is wearing away at this point…and in my head this is playing out like John Cusack in Say Anything…..

John Cusack say anything

Tinder and I spoke about what was going on with him- ugh, the dreaded ex-girlfriend. DAMN IT!!!! How can I compete with that? I have been in his position before. Remember Tornado? He showed up at my door step, in a blizzard, telling me how much he missed me and the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. With Tornado, I thought ok, not a problem, you just needed to miss me and everything will be better and we can pick up where we left off. Wrong, we still broke up for a reason- a big reason that couldn’t be fixed.

Don’t get me wrong, if Tinder still has ex-girlfriend problems, I need him to figure those out before we can start anything. What throws me for a loop-hole is I did not expect to feel this way about Tinder- AT ALL. I am such a tease and have such a huge wall up all the time that recently, I don’t let any male in. But, Holy Shit! Did Tinder just knock down the wall a little bit without me realizing it???

<instert your own explicit here- mine is FUCK!>

cursing symbol

Tinder and I have talked probably every day for the last month and a half and not talking to him today almost left this void in my day. Once meeting Tinder, I automatically felt comfortable around him. Sure, you get the weird butterflies just because it is new, but there is nothing normal about how we have been dating for the past month. He has met all my friends and we have spent the night at each others houses, and we still have yet to have our first real date. Needless to say, he doesn’t make me feel like I need to pretend about who I am or cover anything up because “it is the beginning stages.” I like that Tinder can just go with the flow because after all there is nothing normal about my life.

Today I realized this about Tinder:

  • I  really like this kid! Not that I didn’t before, but can now see that it just isn’t someone is “paying attention to me and I like that” type of feeling. Ya know?
  • This kid gets my jokes. And throws me for a loop with his. God, I love good banter.
  • I like that I can be honest with him. He doesn’t make me want to yell or pack his shit up and throw it down the hallway. He listened to me when I stated I was annoyed and instantly tried to make it better.
  • We didn’t talk today, and all day I kept checking my phone for just one text message. Do I miss him already or do I just miss having someone to text with?
  • Oh, Shit! I really like this kid!

I think Tinder feels the same way or slightly the same way based on the things he has said to me. So Tinder, if you are reading this, I am not ready to write you off (like I tried to convince myself I was on Sunday) and as you stated, I really hope we have a better string of luck. You also haven’t gone through your strikes yet so why quit now? Oh God, did I just make myself look desperate…. well, whatever, it wouldn’t be the first time nor will it be the last.