Have you missed me? It’s been a while…

So it has been a little over a month since my last blog post. One, the dating life has been semi slow, but my life has been crazy!

In November, I planned a staycation with my besties down in Indianapolis. I was there for 10 days drinking, laughing, shoving my face with all sorts of fast food and of course causing havoc on the town.

In my attempts to keep my Tindering skills strong, I went ahead and came up with a very creative tag line- “In Indy for 10 days. Who’s down to clown?” MAN! you wouldn’t believe the amount of messages I got for one night stands. Talk about an ego boost! For the record, I did not have a one night stand or meet up with any of these dudes, but it sure was nice playing with their heads. So of you might be asking why didn’t I meet up with any of these dudes, but this was a girls trip. And I am loyal to my ladies first! If I was some place warm we would only be flirting as well.

After my 10 day drinking binge, I then had to prep myself for Thanksgiving with my family. Which means I knew for 3 days I would be asked the same question in 20 different ways as if they thought I wouldn’t catch the similarity…”So are you dating anyone?” Ugh. Kill me.

Don’t you think if I was dating someone SERIOUSLY, I would be acting like this:OMG Elf

Instead, this is my reaction. As you can see the reactions are almost identical so it is very clear as you why my family is confused as to if I am dating someone.

29683-Emma-Stone-no-no-no-gif-XKS5

Yes, I am dating. And not just someone but multiple people. But, I can’t say that because if I am honest, I now look like a slut to my family. Family never seems to understand that dating doesn’t mean I am sleeping around. It means I am trying to score a free dinner people!

This month has been full of year-end work parties and get togethers. I have managed to squeeze in a coffee date but I just felt so so about it. Nothing big to report as it was just a coffee date.

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Umm, hello? Didn’t you just tell me you had a girlfriend?

isabelle...mixed signals

Ah, my date with The Consultant is a good one. But first, you should know the background on how we met.

I was meeting one of my girlfriends and her husband downtown for Oktoberfest. She invited me because she didn’t want to be the third wheel during “bro time”as her husband was meeting one of their guy friends. Little did either one of us know is that The Consultant and I would really hit it off!

He was attractive, confident, funny, mature- holy hell, did I just meet the total package? We shortly moved closer and closer to one another having a great conversation and exchanging numbers. Being a consultant and all, The Consultant was traveling back and forth between Chicago, San Fran, Dallas and Hawaii. Must be nice, huh?

This led us to texting most of the time, and holy hell, it SUCKED! We had the worst text chemistry ever. But every time he was in town, we seemed to be having double dates with our mutual friends and still really hitting it off. And I know it was just not in my head because even my girlfriend would comment how much he seemed to like me. We even both ended up going stag to their wedding and basically became each others date.

Over the next few months, I started picking up that he might be dating some one else- like seriously. I wasn’t hurt by this after all we were not dating but I was confused. Was he just afraid of committing because even though he was talking to someone else, he was inviting me to the cities he was visiting/working- and for free. Probably should have tried a bit harder to take him up on the Hawaii offer.

We both had a few busy months ahead of us, but after about a month or so of him traveling he was finally back in Chicago, and finally asked me out on a real date! Or so I thought he did…

We ended up meeting at Webster Wine Bar, ordered food and had great wine flights along with great conversation per usual when we were face to face. Then the awkward part came- he told me he had a girlfriend! WTF?? Now, it didn’t just end there- he went on to complain about what he didn’t like about her. Maybe he felt bad because he did like me- I don’t know, but I was stumped.

I finished my last flight as soon as I could, made the best conversation I could because after all we have mutual friends, I will see him again. And then it got more weird- he asked what I was doing for the weekend. thank god, I was heading out-of-town for a friend’s birthday, and when I told him that he told me maybe he would come down a few days later to hang out with me. Umm, hello? Didn’t you just tell me you had a girlfriend?

slut, wine and dine

Date with the Virgin…sort of

virgin ecards

After going through a not so pretty break up, my friends where there to get me right back in the game of dating! Love them.

Well, one of my best friends here in the city had a friend that just moved here from the east coast. After thinking about it, I had already met him at her house-warming party about 6 months back. I most certainly thought he was very attractive but didn’t really give him much thought as after all when I did meet him, I was dating the ex.

In efforts to get us both out on a first date, my friend would have us over for dinner at their apartment leaving us to share a cab home since we both lived in Lakeview. She and her husband would get us together for drinks at the bar, and leave us there to chit-chat.

The Virgin and I always had a blast together. We got drunk together, we danced together, we shared stories, met each others friends- but never went on a real date, nor did he ever try to make out with me. This routine of our lasted for about a year. Was he a Virgin???

Of course, after a few months of this routine, I knew it was not going to be going anywhere. He confirmed this one night when we were out and he said let me buy you a beer and it was a PBR (I mean, really? You couldn’t spring for the Miller Lite?). Then he confirmed it again when he said we can’t date because we have mutual friends. Got it, moving on.

The Virgin ended up moving away and I went to his going away party, with my friends that introduced us, and in true form and maybe one last hurrah, they left to go home and I went to party with The Virgin at a 4am bar. Being late and drunk, I invited my ex to meet us out at this bar as well- I mean after all, The Virgin has made it very clear that  we are just friends, I didn’t think this was a problem. Until he told me that he would just stay at the front of the bar with his friends because he didn’t want to be around my ex. And the kicker…he then asked me what we were because he thought we came to the bar “together”.

He was moving the next day and I am pretty sure the look on my face was something like this:

britney-spears-x-factor

Play Ball!

3 strikes

I am a three strikes and you are out type of person, and while I was in the shower this morning, it made me realize- is dating like baseball?

Maybe this is because Tinder is a baseball fan and he has been on my mind more than ever lately, but this really might be true! You get 3 balls- or maybe it’s 4 balls- and then are allowed to walk to first base, these are dating gimmes, and then the big strikes- 3 and you are out.

As much as I was thinking Tinder had used his 3 strikes, he has not… he has just used his 3 balls (that sounds weird… and dirty, but you get my point!):

  • First ball- broke our first date due to his sister having a baby. Legit!
  • Second ball- could not meet me out for the Wicker Park Food Crawl due to a car accident. Legit!
  • Third ball- broke our rescheduled 1st date because he was hung over. Legit, but less legit than the first two reasons.  DISCLAIMER: Thank you for not wanting me to watch dry heave. In my moment of being annoyed, I did not state this, but it is much apprecaited.
  • If there are 4 balls, make up your own forth annoying thing that would hinder the first date.

After these 3 things, my first reaction would be to write him off- completely. Delete his text messages, delete his phone number etc. You get the idea. But, that’s just the bitch I pretend to be. Deep down, I have so much faith in Tinder. I am normally a pretty good judge of character (Yes, that is a pat on my own back and I like it!), and this one seems like a keeper- go figure I start a dating blog and maybe meet someone I could potential start a relationship with- story of my life.

I didn’t want to let Tinder walk to first base- Screw that, I am annoyed!!!! However, writing people off way too soon and way too late is a flaw of mine and truthfully, part of the reason I started this blog was to change that. I decided to let Tinder know I was annoyed and he was very sweet to offer to reschedule for the next day, but I was not up to committing- after all you can’t change over night! I asked him to get a hold of me the next day and we will see how we felt and what our plans were. I just felt that every time we have made plans, they get squashed some way, some how. I couldn’t handle being let down again as by this point I am pumped to hang out with Tinder.

I did not hear from him until 9pm the next night. It was a text that just said “Hello.” How the hell do you want me to respond to that one, TInder? Sure, you screwed up and know this, and probably are saying this with your tail between your legs, but good God, just a hello?

Tinder calls me around 10pm. I won’t lie, I was not sure if I wanted to answer his call. But because I only talk a big game, I did. Tinder is the type of guy that I really don’t think will lie or if he does, wants to- not like any of us want to lie, but point being is he is not being a selfish dick. He wanted to be honest with me and showed up at my house- with his over night bag packed. How could I say no to this? I am such a softy at heart, and secretly love to snuggle. DISCLAIMER: It’s safe to say strike 1 is wearing away at this point…and in my head this is playing out like John Cusack in Say Anything…..

John Cusack say anything

Tinder and I spoke about what was going on with him- ugh, the dreaded ex-girlfriend. DAMN IT!!!! How can I compete with that? I have been in his position before. Remember Tornado? He showed up at my door step, in a blizzard, telling me how much he missed me and the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. With Tornado, I thought ok, not a problem, you just needed to miss me and everything will be better and we can pick up where we left off. Wrong, we still broke up for a reason- a big reason that couldn’t be fixed.

Don’t get me wrong, if Tinder still has ex-girlfriend problems, I need him to figure those out before we can start anything. What throws me for a loop-hole is I did not expect to feel this way about Tinder- AT ALL. I am such a tease and have such a huge wall up all the time that recently, I don’t let any male in. But, Holy Shit! Did Tinder just knock down the wall a little bit without me realizing it???

<instert your own explicit here- mine is FUCK!>

cursing symbol

Tinder and I have talked probably every day for the last month and a half and not talking to him today almost left this void in my day. Once meeting Tinder, I automatically felt comfortable around him. Sure, you get the weird butterflies just because it is new, but there is nothing normal about how we have been dating for the past month. He has met all my friends and we have spent the night at each others houses, and we still have yet to have our first real date. Needless to say, he doesn’t make me feel like I need to pretend about who I am or cover anything up because “it is the beginning stages.” I like that Tinder can just go with the flow because after all there is nothing normal about my life.

Today I realized this about Tinder:

  • I  really like this kid! Not that I didn’t before, but can now see that it just isn’t someone is “paying attention to me and I like that” type of feeling. Ya know?
  • This kid gets my jokes. And throws me for a loop with his. God, I love good banter.
  • I like that I can be honest with him. He doesn’t make me want to yell or pack his shit up and throw it down the hallway. He listened to me when I stated I was annoyed and instantly tried to make it better.
  • We didn’t talk today, and all day I kept checking my phone for just one text message. Do I miss him already or do I just miss having someone to text with?
  • Oh, Shit! I really like this kid!

I think Tinder feels the same way or slightly the same way based on the things he has said to me. So Tinder, if you are reading this, I am not ready to write you off (like I tried to convince myself I was on Sunday) and as you stated, I really hope we have a better string of luck. You also haven’t gone through your strikes yet so why quit now? Oh God, did I just make myself look desperate…. well, whatever, it wouldn’t be the first time nor will it be the last.

Dating a Tinder

Ah, good ol Tinder. Well, Tinder now has two meanings to me- the app and the new nickname for the latest guy I have been speaking with.

Tinder and I have been chatting for a little over a month now. He was one of the first right swipes that I gave. I won’t lie, he is normally not the typical guy I would think would be my type. I was hesitant to give him the right swipe because of this, but hey, maybe that’s why I am in this position so I thought what the hell! I normally go for the guy with all the dark features and Tinder is blond, 30 years old yet has a baby face- like when he drinks he still gets rosy cheeks type of baby face. Tinder said hello first which of course I loved as I love it when the guy makes the first move ( I have not idea why I am still a little old fashion in this way). It took me a couple of days to respond because I still thought “what the hell am I doing on this app?’ However, Tinder is a really nice guy- like a true nice guy. I am so not used to this. I figure in text everyone is nice but when we met in person he was just as nice as he was on text.

Our first meeting was definitely not normal- I ended up inviting Tinder and a few of his friends to a house party I was having. I went back and forth with this idea, after all it is WEIRD. I had a few single girlfriends visitings and they just kept telling me YOLO. So, I went for it- I told him when the party started, well ok, I gave him a time much later than the actual party time. I needed to give myself a buffer in case my friends were late- that and I figured I needed to be a few cocktails in before I meet Tinder- for the first time, at my house.

Tinder turned out to not be a weirdo (Praise Jesus!) and his friends weren’t bad either. After the party at the house died down we decided to go to the bar across the street. This is where I think I decided I wanted to give Tinder a chance. Tinder probably gave me the nicest, corniest compliment out there- He kept telling me I was pretty. DISCLAIMER: I don’t know what to do with a compliment. I relayed this disclaimer to Tinder and his response was “well I will just keep giving them to you so you get used to them.”  Who is this kid? Why is he so nice to me? Is this who he really is? Is it the Miller Lite and Fireball shots talking?

I have even asked my friends multiple times- why is he so nice? This made me realize I am more damaged than I realize. I have never just dated the nice guy- EVER! Even in the beginning of my past relationships, the guys are still dickheads, rude, jerks etc. I have always thought that I was attracted to the nice, cocky guy, but NO! I have always been attracted to the jerk. Why? Do I really feel like that is all I am worth? In a recent text from my best friend she sent me this someecards:

polite dick someecards

This someecard speaks to me! That’s just it- there really is no better way to say it! Is Tinder the polite dick? Time will only tell. We have been talking since the party and have seen each other a few more times- but no real first date yet. We have made several attempts but the cards have not been in our favor. Needless to say, I am annoyed with this, but I am still trying to keep an open mind than go my normal route of writing Tinder off completely. Hopefully, the next post can be about our actual first date…

Adventures in Tindering

tindertinder match

In my last post, I mentioned Tinder and how brilliant I think it is, and I am here to tell you why!

Ok, so all in all, Tinder is not an online dating site(in my opinion anyway)- it is Hot or Not? Anyone else remember that? (Bonus points if you do) With Tinder not being a dating site, man does this take a lot of pressure off of having to feel that I need to email all my matches, try to find new ones, get a date etc.

You swipe left or right whether your match is hot or not (like or nope in the world of Tinder), and if you have both said yes, you are able to message either other. BRILLIANT! Within a matter of one wipe I am able to make a match, say hello, and maybe get a response back. WAHOO! the best part is that I do not have to think of this email to send to something with something witty and clever in it in hopes that they are finding me oh so funny and just have to respond back. Tinder also makes it fun because you can see if you have any shared interested via Facebook along with any shared friends.

It is also a very refreshing feeling knowing I am at least talking to someone who finds me attractive (and hopefully, I am not getting Catfished!). I personally think with match.com there is always someone who is more so interested in the other, but because we are all paying to be on this site we might as well “take what we can get”. I must say, without sounding like I am bragging, I have never had some many online conversation going on. In one weekend, I have had as many as 10 conversations going with different men in the city. Not all of them have gone anywhere in terms of sealing the deal with a date, but man did this boost my confidence! Thanks Tinder!

If you have heard of Tinder, are single and curious, totally download it! Worse case scenario is you can delete it after you get a few good laughs. I definitely have more to tell about my adventures in Tindering, but more on that later…

Tindering an open mind

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There is one word that is hard for me to be- vulnerable!

Blame it on my past relationships with men and lack of trust I have gained because of it. But in either case, I have a hard time being vulnerable. It’s also the reason why I know I have a hard time dating.

Let’s get real- I am a sassy woman who likes to prove her point. Not to many dudes can handle that and the ones who can I have found out that in the end, they are dickheads who leave me broken-hearted picking up all the pieces starting all over again. This has also created a big wall between me and the opposite sex.

So I am trying to have a more open mind and maybe it’s because I am a glutton for punishment, but I’ve recently jumped on the Tinder bandwagon. Yes, another dating app. But!! This one I really do think is brilliant! (I’ll be writing another post about my thoughts on Tinder later on)

I recently went to a seminar for work and it was about social media, customer service and being likeable. By likeable, we mean really likable, not just a nice person because we have to be. One point that hit home for me was when they started speaking about being vulnerability. The speaker said “when we are vulnerable, we get a better response.” Maybe she was onto something here. I already had a theme for the post as I was just recently speaking with my family about being vulnerable and then it popped up in this class?!?! Must be a sign!”

My discussion at home was about relationships in general and realizing being vulnerable is hard. I agreed and said “Oh! I have the worst time with it” which then turned into a conversation that I do not compromise in my relationships. I completely DISAGREE with this statement. I like things my way, but who doesn’t???? When it comes to my family, I am probably more opinionated than normal simply because I can be. If I don’t want to go home for a family event, I don’t. if I don’t agree with one of them, I am more forceful in telling them so. But when it comes to relationships, let me tell you, I am more than willing to bend over backwards for “my man” because I also get a great deal of pleasure from making others happy.

I have always viewed being vulnerable as a negative thing. Who wants to be vulnerable to anything? I have always thought, if I am vulnerable I am weak or I will be the butt of the joke. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I am a very strong, independent woman. But maybe being vulnerable isn’t as bad as I make it out to be, maybe it really is a strength that we all should be embracing more.