Tales of Tindering

With my experiment of not putting all of my eggs into one basket and Tinder (the dude) pissing me off, I decided to give my number to a few other Tinder prospects.


Story 1:
Because he is weird, and I know I will not ever be meeting up with him, we will call him Jake- his real name. The guy doesn’t deserve a nickname, honestly. So our Tinder conversation was normal- how are you? what do you do for a living? blah blah blah. He went in for the kill right away- let’s exchange numbers and meet for drinks. Ok, sure why not, I thought.

Well once we exchanged numbers, he proceeded to text me anywhere from 4:30am to 6am- all times when he woke up. Seriously, Jake? You may work in the banking industry but pretty sure I informed you that I have the joy of actually working banker hours. I sleep in until 7:30am or 8am. Strike 1.

He then asked me how tall I was…why? I mean I understand we all have our thing, our own ideas, wants, and expectations out of the perfect mate. I like tall dudes because some nights I wear 5 inch heels- I get it, but I don’t ask the dude before we meet how tall he is. Weird. This day I also got a selfie of him in his office.

The next night he tells me he is writing a book, I ask about what but turns out it is top-secret and he can’t tell me. He then asks me for my last name. Uh, not so soon buddy. Stalk me on Facebook like a normal person, I know I am not that hard to find. Strike 2 because I am just annoyed at this point.

There is no reason to give Jake a strike 3 because I just do not like him. He starting hinting like he was going on dates- like I was going to be jealous. Yeah, no. I slowly just stopped responding to him, ok that’s a lie…I just stopped completely.

Story 2:
I started messaging this dude last week. We will call him Naughty Pic Dude. So Naughty Pic seemed very normal, as they all do, during our first few days of Tindering. He lives closer to me than the other Tinders, so score 1 for me! I am thinking we probably like/go to the same bars, like the same places to eat and it’s always a plus when I can take a train to your house than a cab.

Shortly into our normal conversation, Naughty Pic asked me for my number. Yay! Maybe he will ask me out for drinks and we will have a good time. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, at least he could be fun and I wouldn’t be putting all of my eggs in one basket.

Wrong-o, he turned into the weird guy that texted me right away and asked if I was down for a “naughty picture”. Really? I mean I get it, sexting can be fun… but we haven’t even met in person. Do you think your “naughty picture” is going to make me want to meet you more or sleep with you sooner. Confusing. He also was a selfie picture- the normal kind- taking kind of dude. I like pictures… and sending dumb ones of what I am doing, but shouldn’t we ease our way into them?

Maybe Tinder (the dude) isn’t really pissing me off too much anymore…


Date with the Virgin…sort of

virgin ecards

After going through a not so pretty break up, my friends where there to get me right back in the game of dating! Love them.

Well, one of my best friends here in the city had a friend that just moved here from the east coast. After thinking about it, I had already met him at her house-warming party about 6 months back. I most certainly thought he was very attractive but didn’t really give him much thought as after all when I did meet him, I was dating the ex.

In efforts to get us both out on a first date, my friend would have us over for dinner at their apartment leaving us to share a cab home since we both lived in Lakeview. She and her husband would get us together for drinks at the bar, and leave us there to chit-chat.

The Virgin and I always had a blast together. We got drunk together, we danced together, we shared stories, met each others friends- but never went on a real date, nor did he ever try to make out with me. This routine of our lasted for about a year. Was he a Virgin???

Of course, after a few months of this routine, I knew it was not going to be going anywhere. He confirmed this one night when we were out and he said let me buy you a beer and it was a PBR (I mean, really? You couldn’t spring for the Miller Lite?). Then he confirmed it again when he said we can’t date because we have mutual friends. Got it, moving on.

The Virgin ended up moving away and I went to his going away party, with my friends that introduced us, and in true form and maybe one last hurrah, they left to go home and I went to party with The Virgin at a 4am bar. Being late and drunk, I invited my ex to meet us out at this bar as well- I mean after all, The Virgin has made it very clear that  we are just friends, I didn’t think this was a problem. Until he told me that he would just stay at the front of the bar with his friends because he didn’t want to be around my ex. And the kicker…he then asked me what we were because he thought we came to the bar “together”.

He was moving the next day and I am pretty sure the look on my face was something like this:


Play Ball!

3 strikes

I am a three strikes and you are out type of person, and while I was in the shower this morning, it made me realize- is dating like baseball?

Maybe this is because Tinder is a baseball fan and he has been on my mind more than ever lately, but this really might be true! You get 3 balls- or maybe it’s 4 balls- and then are allowed to walk to first base, these are dating gimmes, and then the big strikes- 3 and you are out.

As much as I was thinking Tinder had used his 3 strikes, he has not… he has just used his 3 balls (that sounds weird… and dirty, but you get my point!):

  • First ball- broke our first date due to his sister having a baby. Legit!
  • Second ball- could not meet me out for the Wicker Park Food Crawl due to a car accident. Legit!
  • Third ball- broke our rescheduled 1st date because he was hung over. Legit, but less legit than the first two reasons.  DISCLAIMER: Thank you for not wanting me to watch dry heave. In my moment of being annoyed, I did not state this, but it is much apprecaited.
  • If there are 4 balls, make up your own forth annoying thing that would hinder the first date.

After these 3 things, my first reaction would be to write him off- completely. Delete his text messages, delete his phone number etc. You get the idea. But, that’s just the bitch I pretend to be. Deep down, I have so much faith in Tinder. I am normally a pretty good judge of character (Yes, that is a pat on my own back and I like it!), and this one seems like a keeper- go figure I start a dating blog and maybe meet someone I could potential start a relationship with- story of my life.

I didn’t want to let Tinder walk to first base- Screw that, I am annoyed!!!! However, writing people off way too soon and way too late is a flaw of mine and truthfully, part of the reason I started this blog was to change that. I decided to let Tinder know I was annoyed and he was very sweet to offer to reschedule for the next day, but I was not up to committing- after all you can’t change over night! I asked him to get a hold of me the next day and we will see how we felt and what our plans were. I just felt that every time we have made plans, they get squashed some way, some how. I couldn’t handle being let down again as by this point I am pumped to hang out with Tinder.

I did not hear from him until 9pm the next night. It was a text that just said “Hello.” How the hell do you want me to respond to that one, TInder? Sure, you screwed up and know this, and probably are saying this with your tail between your legs, but good God, just a hello?

Tinder calls me around 10pm. I won’t lie, I was not sure if I wanted to answer his call. But because I only talk a big game, I did. Tinder is the type of guy that I really don’t think will lie or if he does, wants to- not like any of us want to lie, but point being is he is not being a selfish dick. He wanted to be honest with me and showed up at my house- with his over night bag packed. How could I say no to this? I am such a softy at heart, and secretly love to snuggle. DISCLAIMER: It’s safe to say strike 1 is wearing away at this point…and in my head this is playing out like John Cusack in Say Anything…..

John Cusack say anything

Tinder and I spoke about what was going on with him- ugh, the dreaded ex-girlfriend. DAMN IT!!!! How can I compete with that? I have been in his position before. Remember Tornado? He showed up at my door step, in a blizzard, telling me how much he missed me and the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. With Tornado, I thought ok, not a problem, you just needed to miss me and everything will be better and we can pick up where we left off. Wrong, we still broke up for a reason- a big reason that couldn’t be fixed.

Don’t get me wrong, if Tinder still has ex-girlfriend problems, I need him to figure those out before we can start anything. What throws me for a loop-hole is I did not expect to feel this way about Tinder- AT ALL. I am such a tease and have such a huge wall up all the time that recently, I don’t let any male in. But, Holy Shit! Did Tinder just knock down the wall a little bit without me realizing it???

<instert your own explicit here- mine is FUCK!>

cursing symbol

Tinder and I have talked probably every day for the last month and a half and not talking to him today almost left this void in my day. Once meeting Tinder, I automatically felt comfortable around him. Sure, you get the weird butterflies just because it is new, but there is nothing normal about how we have been dating for the past month. He has met all my friends and we have spent the night at each others houses, and we still have yet to have our first real date. Needless to say, he doesn’t make me feel like I need to pretend about who I am or cover anything up because “it is the beginning stages.” I like that Tinder can just go with the flow because after all there is nothing normal about my life.

Today I realized this about Tinder:

  • I  really like this kid! Not that I didn’t before, but can now see that it just isn’t someone is “paying attention to me and I like that” type of feeling. Ya know?
  • This kid gets my jokes. And throws me for a loop with his. God, I love good banter.
  • I like that I can be honest with him. He doesn’t make me want to yell or pack his shit up and throw it down the hallway. He listened to me when I stated I was annoyed and instantly tried to make it better.
  • We didn’t talk today, and all day I kept checking my phone for just one text message. Do I miss him already or do I just miss having someone to text with?
  • Oh, Shit! I really like this kid!

I think Tinder feels the same way or slightly the same way based on the things he has said to me. So Tinder, if you are reading this, I am not ready to write you off (like I tried to convince myself I was on Sunday) and as you stated, I really hope we have a better string of luck. You also haven’t gone through your strikes yet so why quit now? Oh God, did I just make myself look desperate…. well, whatever, it wouldn’t be the first time nor will it be the last.

Dating a Tinder

Ah, good ol Tinder. Well, Tinder now has two meanings to me- the app and the new nickname for the latest guy I have been speaking with.

Tinder and I have been chatting for a little over a month now. He was one of the first right swipes that I gave. I won’t lie, he is normally not the typical guy I would think would be my type. I was hesitant to give him the right swipe because of this, but hey, maybe that’s why I am in this position so I thought what the hell! I normally go for the guy with all the dark features and Tinder is blond, 30 years old yet has a baby face- like when he drinks he still gets rosy cheeks type of baby face. Tinder said hello first which of course I loved as I love it when the guy makes the first move ( I have not idea why I am still a little old fashion in this way). It took me a couple of days to respond because I still thought “what the hell am I doing on this app?’ However, Tinder is a really nice guy- like a true nice guy. I am so not used to this. I figure in text everyone is nice but when we met in person he was just as nice as he was on text.

Our first meeting was definitely not normal- I ended up inviting Tinder and a few of his friends to a house party I was having. I went back and forth with this idea, after all it is WEIRD. I had a few single girlfriends visitings and they just kept telling me YOLO. So, I went for it- I told him when the party started, well ok, I gave him a time much later than the actual party time. I needed to give myself a buffer in case my friends were late- that and I figured I needed to be a few cocktails in before I meet Tinder- for the first time, at my house.

Tinder turned out to not be a weirdo (Praise Jesus!) and his friends weren’t bad either. After the party at the house died down we decided to go to the bar across the street. This is where I think I decided I wanted to give Tinder a chance. Tinder probably gave me the nicest, corniest compliment out there- He kept telling me I was pretty. DISCLAIMER: I don’t know what to do with a compliment. I relayed this disclaimer to Tinder and his response was “well I will just keep giving them to you so you get used to them.”  Who is this kid? Why is he so nice to me? Is this who he really is? Is it the Miller Lite and Fireball shots talking?

I have even asked my friends multiple times- why is he so nice? This made me realize I am more damaged than I realize. I have never just dated the nice guy- EVER! Even in the beginning of my past relationships, the guys are still dickheads, rude, jerks etc. I have always thought that I was attracted to the nice, cocky guy, but NO! I have always been attracted to the jerk. Why? Do I really feel like that is all I am worth? In a recent text from my best friend she sent me this someecards:

polite dick someecards

This someecard speaks to me! That’s just it- there really is no better way to say it! Is Tinder the polite dick? Time will only tell. We have been talking since the party and have seen each other a few more times- but no real first date yet. We have made several attempts but the cards have not been in our favor. Needless to say, I am annoyed with this, but I am still trying to keep an open mind than go my normal route of writing Tinder off completely. Hopefully, the next post can be about our actual first date…

Adventures in Tindering

tindertinder match

In my last post, I mentioned Tinder and how brilliant I think it is, and I am here to tell you why!

Ok, so all in all, Tinder is not an online dating site(in my opinion anyway)- it is Hot or Not? Anyone else remember that? (Bonus points if you do) With Tinder not being a dating site, man does this take a lot of pressure off of having to feel that I need to email all my matches, try to find new ones, get a date etc.

You swipe left or right whether your match is hot or not (like or nope in the world of Tinder), and if you have both said yes, you are able to message either other. BRILLIANT! Within a matter of one wipe I am able to make a match, say hello, and maybe get a response back. WAHOO! the best part is that I do not have to think of this email to send to something with something witty and clever in it in hopes that they are finding me oh so funny and just have to respond back. Tinder also makes it fun because you can see if you have any shared interested via Facebook along with any shared friends.

It is also a very refreshing feeling knowing I am at least talking to someone who finds me attractive (and hopefully, I am not getting Catfished!). I personally think with match.com there is always someone who is more so interested in the other, but because we are all paying to be on this site we might as well “take what we can get”. I must say, without sounding like I am bragging, I have never had some many online conversation going on. In one weekend, I have had as many as 10 conversations going with different men in the city. Not all of them have gone anywhere in terms of sealing the deal with a date, but man did this boost my confidence! Thanks Tinder!

If you have heard of Tinder, are single and curious, totally download it! Worse case scenario is you can delete it after you get a few good laughs. I definitely have more to tell about my adventures in Tindering, but more on that later…