How did I get to this point in my life?

So, here I am, almost 30 years old still looking to concur the world as if I were 18- or hell, 23 for a matter of fact! As mentioned before, my year of turning 29 has been quite a roller coaster. I’ve gotten a job promotion (one I have been working towards for 4 years), had a handful of family issues, had long term friendships fall apart, met some really amazing new friends, moved to a completely different neighborhood within the city, started working from “home” (be jealous if you want to, you will learn it is not all that great), and dined at some of the best restaurants in Chicago.

Now, let me say- my life is GREAT! Amazing, wonderful, exciting! I am truly blessed. But like any of us, I had this image of what my life would be like by the time I was in my late 20’s and DEFINITELY by the time I was going to be 30. NEWS FLASH! Life doesn’t really happen like this! Ok, maybe for some people it does, but not for me.

I thought I would be living in a big city, and hey, whadda know? This has happened! I thought I would have all of credit card debt paid off by the time I was 25. Little did I know, I would be laid off at 24. This clearly put the damper on the thought I had about owning a condo by 26 or 27. Little did I know, owning a condo entails A LOT more than what I thought it would-ever, even now. I thought I would be married by 28. Little did I know that I would only be tested with “almost the real deal” relationships.

I have never been a dater. I am the girl that just ends up meeting a guy and next thing I know we are in a serious relationship. My first serious relationship was the guy we will refer to as The Bear. We were in high school when we started dating. I was 16 and just so in love! We did everything together. However, now I see that maybe we should have spent more time doing things apart. Not because that I think that this would have kept us together forever, but maybe because it would have taught me earlier on that I didn’t need to do every little thing with my boyfriend. This is one of the reasons why I am probably so stubborn on just doing some things my way (that and I am just stubborn).funny-young-couple-hugging-boy-girl

The second serious guy that entered my life was shortly after my first year in college. We never officially were boyfriend/girlfriend, but we had a blast together. We will call him The Charmer. The Charmer was that super fun, older partier guy. A complete opposite from The Bear. This was SO refreshing- mainly because I thought he had it together, and must be pretty well off because he paid for everything. I would later learn he had a whole closet full of skeletons, but still made a pretty decent living. At 21, I could totally over look this because “Hey! Maybe I will be the one he will want to change for”! What I really thought was I could change him. Never think you can change someone. Joke will always be on you. ALWAYS.

its complicated

My last serious relationship ended 3 years ago. We will call him Tornado. Tornado really took me by surprise. He was the guy that worked in my office that I hated. Seriously, biggest dickhead I have ever met. Then one night, at the bar, we were the only 2 left out of the group and we had a whole new appreciation for each other. We were laughing and having a real meaningful conversation, or as meaningful as it could be for 2 drunk people. I remember thinking to myself “OMG, am I a grown up now? Is this how mature relationships start?” Oh, boy. Once I liked him, and I mean as a person, I felt like he was my best friend. The connection I felt we had was unlike anything else I had experienced. This was the first time I had dated someone who just let me be me. The crazy me. So this just had to be the one, right? WRONG-O.

life booty call

I can sit here and explain my opinion of why each one of these relationships didn’t make it to the place I was looking/hoping for, but I feel like that would just be setting me back. It is not about what went wrong per say, but more importantly about taking what I loved about them and finding these characteristics in my “end all, be all”.

I love that The Bear noticed things about me that no one else has ever pointed out to me. For example, the little black specks in my eyes. The Bear also still reminds me that love can be like a romantic comedy. The Charmer took me out for great nights out on the town and even though I know he was checking out every other girl in the bar, he still made me feel I was the best one in the room. The Charmer also taught me that if he is into you, he will call you (or these days text you). If someone is not calling you to make plans- move on. The Tornado paid attention to the dumb things I liked and tried to recreate them- like the Nanerpus. (Anyone else love that Denny’s commercial? Makes me LOL thinking about it!) Tornado also made me think outside of my own comfort box. I realize now that what I need is to find that person that makes me feel special, doesn’t want to change me and pushes me when I need to be pushed. What a task! Makes me stress sweat just thinking about the pressure. God, this is why I am so not a dater!

All in all, life has a funny way of handing us lemons. Here I am, 29 and still paying off credit card debt from college. I am still saving up for a condo. And I am still here trying to find “Mr. Right”. In the mean time, I am going to make myself feel special, and push myself out of my comfort zone when I need it. Bring on the dating and let’s make some lemonade!

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